How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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