Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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