am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
