My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
