i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
