I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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