wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
