Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my being single is dangerous.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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