I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
