12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
