Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
