i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
