Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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