I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
