Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
