So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
