Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
