I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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