I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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