she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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