Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
