just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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