then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
