i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
