I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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