Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
