Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
