It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
