my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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