Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
