Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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