Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
