farters have to be the big spoon...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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