Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
