chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
