How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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