You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
