Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
