I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
