I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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