It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
