when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
