I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
