she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
