He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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