I wanna passion pit in your ass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
