If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
