best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
