Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I need to calm my uterus...
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