I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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