Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
