she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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