does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
